I Tried 5 Different Foods To See If They Made My Vagina Taste Different

My boyfriend was more than happy to be my official taste tester.

While there are no valid scientific studies on how to change the taste of your vagina, it certainly doesn't stop people from speculating. The rumors are legion: Does garlic make it taste strange? What about asparagus, probably the most well-known pee odor-changer out there? And does pineapple really sweeten the pot?

Let's get one thing clear: As long as you're healthy, your vagina smells and tastes perfectly fine. It's not supposed to smell like roses or taste like candy. The only time for concern is when it smells "fishy" or otherwise unpleasant, because that can hint at bacterial vaginosis, trichomoniasis, or some other health issue. (See your gynecologist if that happens.) Women should smell like women—maybe a little salty, maybe a little sweet, but always with our own unique, indescribable aroma.

Yet many women fixate on the look, feel, and smell of their private parts. Even comedian Amy Schumer has touched on the topic. On an Inside Amy Schumer segment from April of this year, she did a skit about "Yo-Puss," a magical (fictional) yogurt that "makes your pussy taste like nothing."

Clearly, this is a hot topic, so I decided to get to the bottom of it.

I embarked on a two-week culinary cunnilingus adventure, taking my boyfriend of two and a half months (let's call him John) along for the ride. I loaded up on four foods—and one remarkable tablet, more on that later—rumored to change the vagina's taste and/or smell, then had John go down on me to test each one out. All for the sake of science, of course.(While we’re on the subject, a note on the experiment: No, we didn’t use rigorous scientific methods, and, yes, my boyfriend knew when I’d eaten what foods, so that might have influenced his opinions.)

My quest to determine whether the things you eat can really change your vagina wasn't about vaginas being unacceptable as they are—again, there's no need for healthy women to change the taste or smell down there. It was more about finding out whether there's any truth to all this vaginal hearsay. Here's what I discovered.

In an unexpected result, pineapple made my vagina taste like "nothing."

Courtesy of Carrie Borzillo

Before I conducted my first taste test, I consulted with San Francisco-based gynecologist and author Jen Gunter, M.D., and asked her if there was any reason to believe pineapple would work. "The urban myth is that pineapple can change vaginal odor, but there are no studies to prove this and no science behind it," Gunter tells SELF.

Duly noted. But I ate a pound of pineapple chunks and downed six ounces of pineapple juice anyway to figure it out on my own. I waited two hours, hoping that was enough time for it to get under my skin, then invited my boyfriend over for a little playtime.

As his tongue was furiously doing the ABCs (my favorite oldie-but-goodie technique for clitoral stimulation), I was anxious for results.

"Well, what do I taste like?!" I asked, kind of ruining the mood.

John mumbled something I couldn't decipher.

"Do I taste sweet?"

He came up for air for a second to say, "Uh, no..."

"Does it smell like pineapple? Take a deep breath in! Really get in there and smell it!"

Barking out orders in bed might not be the sexiest way to conduct this experiment, but I was on a mission...and a deadline.

Trooper that he is, John went back down, followed my orders, popped back up, and replied, "You just taste and smell the same?" After more prodding, he said I tasted and smelled like "nothing."

Determined to find a food that would make me taste like something, we moved on to a more flavorful pick.

Garlic was also a bust.

Courtesy of Carrie Borzillo

I had so much hope. Gunter said that garlic-derived metabolites could change the odor of breast milk, so it's likely the same reason some people may feel they smell differently after eating garlic.

John and I headed to a little Italian bistro and asked the waitress to double the garlic on all of our dishes. We could see the garlic chunks on the garlic bread, penne checca (penne pasta, tomato, garlic, and basil), and pan-fried potatoes with garlic and parsley. We could also smell it on our hands right away.

After conducting the pineapple experiment like a dictator, I decided to take a different route and make this taste test more fun. After eating, I gave John a little striptease and decided to taste test him first. He didn't taste like garlic, nor did his semen. Neither did I. We tested it again the next morning with zero change. "You still taste like nothing," he said. "Seriously?" I asked. "Yep, nothing." Next!

Mberry tablets made me taste like "candy, summer, and paradise."

Courtesy of Carrie Borzillo

Since the food taste test wasn't delivering exceptional results at this point, we decided to try these Mberry "miracle fruit tablets" that claim to "transform ordinary foods into the extraordinary." You dissolve one tablet on your tongue and, thanks to a taste-modifying molecule called miraculin, any sour foods you eat suddenly taste sweet.

Before we tried it out on my V, we tried it with a lemon and glass of wine first just to see if it worked. It did! It made the lemon taste like very sugary lemonade, and my dry and oaky cabernet sauvignon turned into a sickeningly sweet fruity dessert wine.

Next on the menu? Vagina! After a 20-minute walk home from the wine bar, John popped another Mberry, let it fully dissolve, and went down on me. Within a few minutes, he stopped what he was doing and said, "This is crazy. You taste like SweeTARTS. It's like candy. It's summery. It's like paradise! Usually after a long walk, you'd taste salty. This is crazy!" **

Doing basically the opposite of Mberry tablets, asparagus apparently made me taste "really green."

Courtesy of Carrie Borzillo

Since asparagus is proven to cause smelly urine, how could it not do the same for your vag? Well, it does. I ate 10 ounces of steamed asparagus with a little cracked pepper and lemon juice, and 20 minutes later, we hit the sheets. Within a minute of investigation, John declared, "You taste very green...very, very green. It's like a mix of asparagus and grass. It's not really pleasant," he said.

Similarly, curry made me "funky."

Courtesy of Carrie Borzillo

Like garlic, curry seems to stick to your skin when you cook or eat it. As I ate about a cup and a half each of mixed vegetable curry and chana saagwala (spinach, garbanzo beans, and curry spices), I found this to be oh so true. But John didn't smell or taste it on my vagina...at least not that night.

When we went for round two the next morning, the curry certainly made my cooch a little fragrant. "It's not good, but it's tolerable. It's a little on the funky side. There's definitely a whiff of curry, and curry isn't really a great smell anyway, and it tastes saltier." He continued: "Salty isn't bad, it's just a stronger smell."

And with that, the experiment was over. While I did learn which foods will and won't change how my vagina tastes, I learned something even better about my relationship.

Sometimes at the beginning of a relationship—especially given that we've only been dating a few months—there are a lot of wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am quickies. That can be hot, but it can also mean you don't take time to fully savor each other. This experiment got to us to go slowly, explore each other with more purpose, and it also taught us to talk about sex. Even if every food had made my vagina taste like "nothing," that would be worth it.

Ultimately, John said, "I really don't care what you smell or taste like anyway." And that's the way it should be, because anyone who has a problem with a vagina's natural smell or taste shouldn't really have access to vaginas. After this experience, I can quite safely say John's not just a trooper, but also a keeper.